Okano...

I was going to write about a visit I made yesterday to a friend of mine from my kendo dojo who had cancer. We made the 2 hour drive down to Pennsylvania and though he was not looking too well, I and two other members did our best to cheer him up. Other members were planning on visiting him in the coming weeks as well. And we hoped to see him again in a couple of weeks.

This afternoon I found out he suddenly passed away.

I couldn't believe it. We were there yesterday. I was patting him on the back and helping him up so he could sit up. He was watching a video on a camcorder from a Sensei seminar. He drank some water. He was on the cellphone with his son, legs crossed like some big shot movie producer. I saw him crack a grin before we left.

But it was also the first time he said the words "Guys, this is bad. I'm dying." I remember how silent all three of us were when he said that. We stood up by his bed just staring. I'm sure all of us were feeling intense things at that moment. There was an intense silence. Words and actions failed. For me it was a helpless moment. It was a helplessness that could not be met in any other way except with silence.

I am glad one of the members went with us to see Okano yesterday. I think Okano has a very special place in his heart for her. I think her visits especially brightened up his day. I can't really say anything more concrete than that but, I could really see how comforting it was to have her in his presence.

If there was ever an inspirational human being, it was Okano. I mean, how could this old guy with half a lung beat the shit out of me every practice?

Okano was the first person who taught me what timing was all about. I learned it doing ai-kote men.

I strike
"Nope. Try again."
I strike again.
"You're not watching me. You have to watch me."
I look for his arms to move and then I attack.
"That's better. You were watching me this time around."

He taught me to not look for the opponent's hit but rather the opponent's intention of hitting.

I will always remember Okano for his fighting spirit and "never say die" attitude. Even during his moments of struggle, I know Okano was mentally just as tough as he was whenever I played him during practice.

And I think he was right when he said he will live longer than any of us. He is such a strong character that you can't help but keep him in your heart for as long as you lived.

Rest in Peace John. I'll make sure someone worthy gets the monkey pillow.